Have you ever found yourself feeling really weighed down and anxious about a situation that seemingly you have no control over? It is an ugly feeling that seems to gnaw away, sometimes quietly and other times quite overtly, but all the while bringing a general sense of dis-ease. \u00a0This is a very real form of stress and it is an insidious one because while there are plenty of situations that we have some control over (and, therefore, power to make change), these kinds of issues we don't.<\/p>\n
Perhaps you have experienced a situation in your own life where something happened that was not necessarily a direct result of your action but out of your control - illness, accident, the loss of a loved one, loss of work or a betrayal. \u00a0 Many of these situations just happen and as crushing as they are, there is often little we can do about them. \u00a0However, there may be things we can do in the shadow of these situations that can go a long way to leaving behind the should'ves, could'ves and walking into better health emotionally and spiritually.<\/p>\n
We always have the choice as to how we will respond to those things in which we have no control over. \u00a0It has been my experience that healthy mourning, a\u00a0decision\u00a0to forgive others (and perhaps ourselves), and to choose to seek out life in the aftermath has been a proven path through the maze of emotions. \u00a0It has also been my experience that there is a ready source of love and grace to walk through it by looking to God and with the help of a few faithful, forgiving friends.<\/p>\n
Then there are those issues involving other people. \u00a0I have some friends who are experiencing a number of significant challenges. \u00a0As such, they have asked me to walk along side them through these issues and give some counsel, support and be a mirror for them as they journey through these situations. \u00a0While I can walk alongside them through this journey, I can not walk the journey for them. \u00a0 I find, if I am not careful, I can begin to feel the stress of their situation. \u00a0 If I allow this stress to take hold and blossom, I can find myself caught up with anxiety and sometimes anger about my friends and their circumstance. \u00a0This anger is because in getting caught in the current of emotion of their journey I experience a sense of powerlessness. \u00a0 Powerlessness because I \u00a0actually\u00a0have no power to make a change in the situation.<\/p>\n
I have a general rule as I share life with folks, I cannot (must not) take responsibility for things that are 1) not in my power to change and 2) the responsibility of others to change in their own situation. \u00a0The first is quite obvious, to take responsibility for things that you have no power to change will lock you into paralysis and a deepening sense of despair. \u00a0The second is a little more subtle because it often masquerades as kindness or mercy. \u00a0 When we rescue<\/em> others, we in effect usurp their own power of choice, responsibility and self-development. \u00a0 This in effect will make people dependent in an unhealthy way upon us. \u00a0Leaders, pay attention here because this is fertile ground for co-dependence. \u00a0If you have a need to be needed you will often be tempted to take on unhealthy responsibility thus poisoning you, the other person and eventually your relationship.<\/p>\n
Recognizing and Shedding False Responsibility:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n
1) \u00a0Is this really my problem to solve?<\/strong> \u00a0If no - let it go! \u00a0This doesn't mean we are not genuinely empathetic, but we do not own that which is not ours to own!<\/p>\n
2) Do I have the power to make changes?<\/strong> \u00a0If no - let it go! \u00a0This may mean a simple acceptance of the situation and its realities. \u00a0This comes with a choice to live well - with character and to walk through, to endure by the grace of God.<\/p>\n
3) Is it my place to make the change?<\/strong> If no - let it go! \u00a0We can be responsible to love and care for others but not for others choices, actions and the consequences.<\/p>\n
4) As you walk through this I find it helpful to reflect on the prayer used in Alcoholic\u00a0Anonymous\u00a0- The\u00a0Serenity\u00a0Prayer<\/strong><\/p>\n
God grant me the serenity\u00a0<\/span>to accept the things I cannot change;\u00a0<\/span>courage to change the things I can;\u00a0<\/span>and wisdom to know the difference.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\u00a0The second part of this prayer is a wonderful bit of wisdom as it pertains to how we walk this out in real life. \u00a0It is a trust of the promised faithful presence of a loving God who is genuinely for and with us through every moment of each day. \u00a0 Even the difficult things. \u00a0Trusting that God will make all things right in the fullness of time.<\/p>\n
Living one day at a time; \nenjoying one moment at a time; \naccepting hardships as the pathway to peace; \ntaking, as He did, this sinful world \nas it is, not as I would have it; \ntrusting that He will make all things right \nif I surrender to His Will; \nthat I may be reasonably happy in this life \nand supremely happy with Him \nforever in the next. \nAmen.<\/p>\n
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One of the most difficult things in writing in this format is for people to think that challenges are overcome\u00a0in under 1000 words. \u00a0We all know these issues are not as neat and tidy. \u00a0This article (and many others) is not to be a silver bullet but perhaps a small starting place.<\/em><\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"http:\/\/iamsignificant.ca\/andre\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/behindbars-\u00a9-imageegami-Fotolia.com_.jpg\" "\\"behindbars-\u00a9")
Have you ever found yourself feeling really weighed down and anxious about a situation that seemingly you have no control over? It is an ugly feeling that seems to gnaw away, sometimes quietly and other times quite overtly, but all the while bringing a general sense of dis-ease. \u00a0This is a very real form of stress and it is an insidious one because while there are plenty of situations that we have some control over (and, therefore, power to make change), these kinds of issues we don't.<\/p>\n