{"id":4411,"date":"2011-11-05T09:54:53","date_gmt":"2011-11-05T16:54:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/iamsignificant.ca\/andre\/?p=4411"},"modified":"2016-02-18T16:20:14","modified_gmt":"2016-02-18T16:20:14","slug":"love-your-wife-well-affection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/iamsignificant.ca\/andre\/sole-significance\/love-your-wife-well-affection\/","title":{"rendered":"Love Your Wife Well: Affection"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"HealthyI remember a comedian talking about his relationship with his wife and trying to navigate the complexities<\/em> of a woman, \u00a0and how often we get, what we as men think, are \u201cmixed signals.\u201d \u00a0It was funny because I think many men have scratched their head in total confusion about what exactly women want - They say they want affection, and we\u2019re all over<\/em> that but when we do, they don\u2019t seem to appreciate our affection!\u00a0 What's a guy supposed to do?<\/p>\n

Here's the secret!\u00a0 The price of admission is worth the next few words.\u00a0 Are ya ready?<\/strong>\u00a0 Men and women are really quite different!\u00a0 Ta da!<\/strong>\u00a0 Powerful stuff eh?\u00a0\u00a0 I know it\u2019s obvious but what women generally mean when they talk about affection is very different than us husbands.\u00a0 700 couples across the United States were surveyed for the book \u201cThe 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women\u201d* and almost 60% of the women surveyed ranked non-sexual touch as a top sex need!*\u00a0 When women are looking for affection, we guys often translate to sexual intimacy, jump in with both feet only to find our attempts at being affectionate rejected.\u00a0 We all know how that works out - we are confused, feel a little rejected, \u201call horned up and no place to go!\u201d except for maybe a night on the couch.<\/p>\n

Psychologists explain that 80% of a woman's need for meaningful touch is non-<\/strong>sexual*.\u00a0 They report a high percentage of women prefer a hug, a kiss, holding hands and any other non-sexual kind of touch - physical signs that they are special.<\/p>\n

We need to remember that all touch is not the same.\u00a0 A back rub, a hug, a neck massage is a huge part of intimacy for women but not necessarily as a precursor to sex!\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This kind of loving affection may have accents of sexuality around it, but the goal is the affection.\u00a0 On the other hand, foreplay, an intimate form of touch is very different because it is, in fact, a precursor to sex.\u00a0 We fellas need to remember that not all affectionate touch is foreplay.<\/p>\n

\"\"So what\u2019s the big deal?<\/strong>\u00a0 A lot actually and has a lot to do with the ways we are wired and some of the traditional roles of men and women.\u00a0 While roles are changing, in general, a woman feels like she is constantly serving other people - meeting their needs often at the expense of her own.\u00a0\u00a0 A busy day at work, the responsibilities of a home, children, church and us husbands leave them feeling drained at the end of the day.\u00a0 When you become aware of some of the needs your wife has, particularly the kind of affection she needs, you can become a blessing, a breath of fresh air that ministers to her weariness and\u00a0helps her to unwind from the pressures of the day and relax.<\/p>\n

If you greet her and she feels like she immediately needs to play defense<\/em> you become just another something she \"has to do,\u201d another need she has to meet and without intending to do so, you inhibit deeper intimacy.\u00a0\u00a0 The truth is, stressed and driven your wife is actually going to be less interested sexually.\u00a0 Let\u2019s face it - if making love to us is a \"have to\" - a drain on her - this will naturally inhibit the depth of intimacy and the richness of healthy sexual intercourse.<\/p>\n

So tenderness (not with an ulterior motive) helps to refresh your wife and create a safe refuge for her in the context of her life and just as importantly within your relationship.\u00a0 This inherently creates a sense of security in the relationship which creates healthier vulnerability and in the end a more satisfying sense of intimacy between the two of you.\u00a0 Yes, the benefits of this is not only a healthier more vibrant marriage but also a better experience between the sheets!<\/p>\n

I have also learned along the same lines if I can find special ways to serve my wife this helps her feel valued too.\u00a0 Just being aware of her to-do list and without being asked, take care of a couple of those things.\u00a0 Make dinner, get the kids ready for bed or just being present and genuinely listen to your wife and give her genuine feedback that you are listening (don\u2019t feel like you need to fix it - what is important is you are present and listening).\u00a0 Have fun together, look to laugh together and make times for enjoyable activities; a walk, a dinner out, etc..\u00a0 Hold hands at the kids sporting events.\u00a0 Look for ways to demonstrate just how much you love her with the everyday kind of things. These things refresh your wife and provides a sense of closeness and to experience genuine care from you!\"\"<\/p>\n

Your marriage is a key relationship in your life.\u00a0 If your marriage isn\u2019t healthy, it inhibits the parenting \/ family relationships, and it can inhibit our work performance too.\u00a0 We need to jettison the quid pro quo ideas of a marriage and apply the sound principle of healthy love where for love's sake we serve the other.\u00a0 This moves us into a maturing love, a love where we lay our lives down for the other.\u00a0 It is how the Apostle Paul said we are to love our wives as Christ loves the Church<\/span><\/a><\/span> - He laid down His life for her.\u00a0 We do this as we deliberately tend to our wife and our relationship, by cultivating marriages of genuine love and intimacy.<\/p>\n

So now ya know!<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cCome \u2018ere, Come \u2018ere, Come \u2018ere. Go \u2018way, Go \u2018way, Go \u2018way<\/em>\u201d can be avoided with a little insight into your wife's need for tenderness and intimacy.\u00a0 Now go practice and love your wife well<\/strong>!<\/p>\n

Take Away!<\/span><\/h3>\n