{"id":5135,"date":"2024-12-15T07:39:00","date_gmt":"2024-12-15T07:39:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/iamsignificant.ca\/?p=5135"},"modified":"2024-12-15T23:02:49","modified_gmt":"2024-12-15T23:02:49","slug":"dealing-with-grief-through-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/iamsignificant.ca\/home\/sole-significance\/dealing-with-grief-through-christmas\/","title":{"rendered":"Grief During the Holidays"},"content":{"rendered":"

AH! The Holidays!! – the gift buying, the busy social schedule, and financial pressures. These aside, for many people, the holidays seem to make the grief we feel with the loss of a loved one extra fresh. This grief can undoubtedly be a result of losing a family member or close friend to death, and it can also mean mourning the loss of a long-term relationship. As painful as these experiences are year-round, there is often a fresh sense of grief around significant holidays – especially those that are packed with the memories of family and tradition.<\/span><\/p>\n

It is not just recent loss that brings feelings of grief upon us; many people find the loss of a loved one of several years past might be very fresh in their hearts and minds around Christmas. Grief is grief, whether fresh or a couple of decades old. The key is to recognize the grief you are experiencing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Grief is a natural and normal emotional response to loss.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

The kinds of losses are varied and could include the death of a loved one, a miscarriage, the loss of a friendship, the loss of a job and financial security, the loss of a pet, a failed marriage or the loss of health. Generally, the deeper the relationship to the loss, the more intense the feelings of grief, but understand that all personal losses will generate some degree of grief. It is important not to compare your losses to another because each is unique.<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas, like other significant traditions, holidays and anniversaries, can become secondary losses<\/em> for many. Secondary in terms of being a loss as a result of another loss. For example, celebrating Christmas after the sudden death of my mother-in-law changed Christmas for us. It was difficult not having her on Christmas morning; it was a significant change, and this change makes for a secondary loss. These are legitimate kinds of loss that can produce grief.<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas can be a challenging time for many individuals, and while everyone\u2019s experience of grief is unique, several strategies can help us navigate the grieving process during the holiday season.<\/span><\/p>\n

Try not to isolate<\/strong> – look for positive, healthy opportunities to connect live and in person with friends and family. Face to face allows us to connect a little deeper with others, and they can be effective sounding boards and sources of support. If face-to-face is not possible, pick up the phone (or Zoom) and call a friend or a family member or two! This may work well with good social media friends as well.<\/span><\/p>\n

Be honest about your feelings<\/strong> – with yourself, your friends and family. If it\u2019s tough for you, tell your friends so. Your friends will genuinely care and be willing to help, especially if they know you need extra support.<\/span><\/p>\n

Look for a Christmas Day event or program<\/strong> \u2013 Often, there are special events, Church services, and support group meetings on Christmas Day. These events are deliberately scheduled on Christmas day because the organizers know many folks may be alone and having a tough time at Christmas. Many of these activities can be found in a local newspaper or online.<\/span><\/p>\n

Engage in physical<\/strong> activity<\/strong> to help manage stress\u2014consider taking a brisk walk outside, if possible, or listening to uplifting music while walking or riding a bike. Do something creative \u2013 paint, draw, sculpt, knit, or crochet. Be mindful of the temptation to resort to retail therapy<\/em> or overindulge in festive drinks, and instead, explore other stress management techniques.<\/span><\/p>\n

Do something commemorative<\/strong> – It may help recognize the loss of a loved one with something meaningful. This may mean lighting a candle, making a financial donation or volunteering to serve others in memory of your loved one. This might include writing a letter or a poem to our loved one or reciting a special prayer, religious ritual, or spiritual practice. This helps us connect meaningfully to our loved ones; a demonstration of love is an active, healthy way of remembering and refreshes meaning to their memory.<\/span><\/p>\n

Be Kind to Yourself<\/strong> is a popular encouragement, but we may need to learn precisely what that means, as it can mean different things to different people. The folks at WhatsyourGrief.com share these six strategies that can serve us well during the holidays and beyond:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00b7 Forgive your imperfections and the imperfections of rituals, traditions, and special days you’re a part of.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00b7 Compassionately accept if you’re not feeling your best physically, emotionally, or socially.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00b7 Resist the temptation to guess or worry about what others may think of you.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00b7 You don\u2019t have to accept the validity of any hurtful, misguided, and judgemental comments of others.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00b7 It\u2019s okay to say \u201cno\u201d, leave early, and relax.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00b7 Be as kind and compassionate towards yourself as you would offer to a dear friend or family member.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Consider some help working through your loss<\/strong>. Friends and family can be a great support, and as great as they can be, it can be helpful to seek support from grief support groups or one-on-one with a trained grief specialist (online or in person) or therapist. Plenty of these resources can be found online.<\/span><\/p>\n

(I offer one-on-one grief support, and if you are interested, you can visit GriefEngaged.com<\/a> )<\/span><\/p>\n

Contact a Support Help Line<\/strong> – If your feelings become too overwhelming, it may be a good idea to connect with a reputable Crisis Intervention Hotline where trained volunteers stand by with a caring, attentive ear and some hands-on advice. Check your local newspapers or local online sources to find a support line.<\/span><\/p>\n

In Canada:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n