{"id":17175,"date":"2026-05-28T19:00:04","date_gmt":"2026-05-28T19:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/iamsignificant.ca\/home\/substack-post\/learning-to-love-the-loser-inside-me\/"},"modified":"2026-07-26T00:32:04","modified_gmt":"2026-07-26T00:32:04","slug":"learning-to-love-the-loser-inside-me","status":"publish","type":"sstack-posts","link":"https:\/\/iamsignificant.ca\/home\/substack-post\/learning-to-love-the-loser-inside-me\/","title":{"rendered":"Learning to Love the Loser Inside Me"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"captioned-image-container\">\n<figure><a class=\"image-link image2 is-viewable-img\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/%24s_!t-By!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F2ca3f510-f6f9-4f8b-9894-11fbd2257e9b_650x400.png\" data-component-name=\"Image2ToDOM\" rel=\"noopener\"><\/p>\n<div class=\"image2-inset\">\n<div class=\"image-link-expand\">\n<div class=\"pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset\"><button type=\"button\" class=\"pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image\"><\/button><button type=\"button\" class=\"pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image\"><\/button><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p>Learning to love<br \/>the old man in the mirror<br \/>in a world still kneeling<br \/>before youth,<br \/>sharp jawlines,<br \/>certainty,<br \/>and the religion of might-makes-right.<\/p>\n<p>Learning to love<br \/>the body that shakes,<br \/>the voice that trembles more now,<br \/>the mind that never moved<br \/>in straight lines<br \/>but wanders in widening circles<br \/>because everything touches everything now.<\/p>\n<p>Nothing feels simple anymore.<\/p>\n<p>Not people.<br \/>Not pain.<br \/>Not God.<br \/>Not even myself.<\/p>\n<p>Learning to love the loser<br \/>who takes too long to get to the point<br \/>because every truth arrives<br \/>dragging ten other truths behind it.<\/p>\n<p>The loser<br \/>who distrusts slogans.<br \/>Who hesitates before certainty.<br \/>Who suspects most things worth saying<br \/>should be held loosely,<br \/>open to revision,<br \/>and humbled by silence.<\/p>\n<p>The loser<br \/>who cannot seem to become<br \/>the loud man at the centre of the room.<\/p>\n<p>The guru.<br \/>The closer.<br \/>The brand.<br \/>The one who dominates the argument,<br \/>commands attention,<br \/>takes up all the oxygen<br \/>and calls it leadership.<\/p>\n<p>And stranger still,<br \/>I do not even want to become him.<\/p>\n<p>At least that is what I tell myself<br \/>while secretly mourning<br \/>my failure to be just like that.<\/p>\n<p>Learning to love the loser<br \/>who keeps pulling out chairs for others<br \/>while wondering<br \/>why he never chose<br \/>to sit down himself.<\/p>\n<p>The man with beautiful, impossible ideas<br \/>that arrive blazing in the soul<br \/>but lose coherence<br \/>somewhere between heart, mouth, and pen.<\/p>\n<p>The man who watches others speak<br \/>with precision and brilliance<br \/>and feels both awe<br \/>and inadequacy.<\/p>\n<p>The man<br \/>who still believes mercy matters.<\/p>\n<p>Who cannot quite surrender<br \/>his ridiculous hope<\/p>\n<p>that people are rarely as simple<br \/>as the masks they harden into.<\/p>\n<p>That beneath the noise,<br \/>the cruelty,<br \/>the hunger to matter,<\/p>\n<p>something living<br \/>still waits<br \/>to be reached.<\/p>\n<p>Who keeps feeling tenderness<br \/>even toward the abrasive ones,<br \/>the manipulative ones,<br \/>the frightened and performative ones.<\/p>\n<p>Even the dickheads.<\/p>\n<p>Especially when he recognizes<br \/>something of himself<br \/>inside them.<\/p>\n<p>Learning to love the man<br \/>who sits beside grief quietly<br \/>with people who have nothing to offer him<br \/>except their humanity.<\/p>\n<p>No ladder.<br \/>No influence.<br \/>No strategic value.<\/p>\n<p>Just presence.<\/p>\n<p>Just the fragile holiness<br \/>of being there.<\/p>\n<p>The man<br \/>who writes as though someone is listening<br \/>while trying to convince himself<br \/>an audience of one is enough.<\/p>\n<p>Who feels songs building pressure<br \/>inside his ribs<br \/>and sings anyway,<br \/>even when the melody shakes,<br \/>even when the lyrics arrive unfinished,<br \/>even when they sound out of step<br \/>with the cultural hit parade,<br \/>yet strangely in tune<br \/>with some deeper music<br \/>moving beneath things.<\/p>\n<p>The man<br \/>who still carries regret<br \/>like stones in his pockets.<\/p>\n<p>Who knows the sharp taste of shame.<br \/>Who has failed to love well.<br \/>Who has hidden,<br \/>placated,<br \/>performed,<br \/>hesitated,<br \/>spoken too softly<br \/>when courage was needed<br \/>and too quickly<br \/>when silence would have been kinder.<\/p>\n<p>The man who feels<br \/>more unfinished than wise.<\/p>\n<p>And yet&mdash;<\/p>\n<p>there remains something here<br \/>beneath the embarrassment,<br \/>beneath the self-interrogation,<br \/>beneath the exhausting inner tribunal.<\/p>\n<p>Something small and stubborn.<\/p>\n<p>A tenderness.<\/p>\n<p>A growing suspicion<br \/>that the one I keep calling loser<br \/>may simply be<br \/>a human being<br \/>escaping the hallucination<br \/>that power,<br \/>certainty,<br \/>and applause<br \/>were ever the point.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe loving this human being<br \/>does not begin<br \/>when he finally becomes impressive.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe it begins here.<\/p>\n<p>With the trembling voice.<br \/>The unfinished thoughts.<br \/>The soft heart.<br \/>The foolish hope.<\/p>\n<p>With learning to sit beside him<br \/>without contempt.<\/p>\n<p>With learning that mercy,<br \/>if it means anything at all,<br \/>must eventually include<br \/>the face in the mirror.<\/p>\n<p>_______<\/p>\n<p>Sola Caritas,<\/p>\n<p><strong>&#120707;Michael<\/p>\n<p><\/strong><\/p>\n<div class=\"subscription-widget-wrap-editor\" data-attrs=\"{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/mrose.substack.com\/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe&quot;,&quot;language&quot;:&quot;en&quot;}\" data-component-name=\"SubscribeWidgetToDOM\">\n<div class=\"subscription-widget show-subscribe\">\n<div class=\"preamble\">\n<p class=\"cta-caption\">Michael M. Rose is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"fake-input-wrapper\">\n<div class=\"fake-input\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"fake-button\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<hr>\n<\/div>\n<h2>Of Interest:<br \/><\/h2>\n<div class=\"captioned-image-container\">\n<figure><a class=\"image-link image2 is-viewable-img\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/processandfaith.org\/event\/process-pop-up-made-by-love-for-love-reimagining-god-power-and-faith\/?fbclid=IwY2xjawSFV1ZleHRuA2FlbQIxMABicmlkETFJcnpHemtkUUNTZTd6M3Bac3J0YwZhcHBfaWQQMjIyMDM5MTc4ODIwMDg5MgABHsl3vVYLaEnuEYFO9bpKNuNvqVrgg9Ku7n4HfY5Y67tDBf1A8nSk78l1AIQ-_aem_-qbPFxrUT6DoRLQ2EPzWzg\" data-component-name=\"Image2ToDOM\" rel=\"noopener\"><\/p>\n<div class=\"image2-inset\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/%24s_!X2ZA!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5a6595d1-a959-4fe3-baff-8b01e735d8c7_1148x1444.png\" width=\"461\" height=\"579.8641114982578\" data-attrs=\"{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com\/public\/images\/5a6595d1-a959-4fe3-baff-8b01e735d8c7_1148x1444.png&quot;,&quot;srcNoWatermark&quot;:null,&quot;fullscreen&quot;:null,&quot;imageSize&quot;:null,&quot;height&quot;:1444,&quot;width&quot;:1148,&quot;resizeWidth&quot;:461,&quot;bytes&quot;:2656754,&quot;alt&quot;:null,&quot;title&quot;:null,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;image\/png&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/processandfaith.org\/event\/process-pop-up-made-by-love-for-love-reimagining-god-power-and-faith\/?fbclid=IwY2xjawSFV1ZleHRuA2FlbQIxMABicmlkETFJcnpHemtkUUNTZTd6M3Bac3J0YwZhcHBfaWQQMjIyMDM5MTc4ODIwMDg5MgABHsl3vVYLaEnuEYFO9bpKNuNvqVrgg9Ku7n4HfY5Y67tDBf1A8nSk78l1AIQ-_aem_-qbPFxrUT6DoRLQ2EPzWzg&quot;,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;topImage&quot;:false,&quot;internalRedirect&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/mrose.substack.com\/i\/199622480?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5a6595d1-a959-4fe3-baff-8b01e735d8c7_1148x1444.png&quot;,&quot;isProcessing&quot;:false,&quot;align&quot;:null,&quot;offset&quot;:false}\" class=\"sizing-normal\" alt=\"\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/p>\n<div class=\"image-link-expand\">\n<div class=\"pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset\"><button type=\"button\" class=\"pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image\"><\/button><button type=\"button\" class=\"pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image\"><\/button><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p><strong>June 15<\/strong> &#8211; I&rsquo;m looking forward to joining this free online <strong>Process Pop-Up conversation hosted by Process &amp; Faith<\/strong> around my upcoming book, <em>Made by Love, For Love.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>We&rsquo;ll explore Open &amp; Relational Theology, evolving faith, relentless love, and the possibility that love is far more central to reality than many of us were taught.<\/p>\n<p>If that resonates with you, I&rsquo;d love to have you join us.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/processandfaith.org\/event\/process-pop-up-made-by-love-for-love-reimagining-god-power-and-faith\/?utm_source=chatgpt.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Free Event Details &amp; Registration<\/a><\/p>\n<div>\n<hr>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"captioned-image-container\">\n<figure><a class=\"image-link image2 is-viewable-img\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/c4ort.com\/ortcon\/\" data-component-name=\"Image2ToDOM\" rel=\"noopener\"><\/p>\n<div class=\"image2-inset\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/%24s_!dqAO!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F672b5028-de6d-490f-bf0e-f3a341140b98_1450x1374.png\" width=\"282\" height=\"267.2193103448276\" data-attrs=\"{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com\/public\/images\/672b5028-de6d-490f-bf0e-f3a341140b98_1450x1374.png&quot;,&quot;srcNoWatermark&quot;:null,&quot;fullscreen&quot;:null,&quot;imageSize&quot;:null,&quot;height&quot;:1374,&quot;width&quot;:1450,&quot;resizeWidth&quot;:282,&quot;bytes&quot;:885374,&quot;alt&quot;:null,&quot;title&quot;:null,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;image\/png&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/c4ort.com\/ortcon\/&quot;,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;topImage&quot;:false,&quot;internalRedirect&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/mrose.substack.com\/i\/199622480?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F0c7bda78-b65b-49d3-ae75-7347430fc275_1548x1374.png&quot;,&quot;isProcessing&quot;:false,&quot;align&quot;:null,&quot;offset&quot;:false}\" class=\"sizing-normal\" alt=\"\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/p>\n<div class=\"image-link-expand\">\n<div class=\"pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset\"><button type=\"button\" class=\"pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container restack-image\"><\/button><button type=\"button\" class=\"pencraft pc-reset pencraft icon-container view-image\"><\/button><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p><strong>June 29&ndash;July 3 &#8211; <\/strong>I&rsquo;m thrilled to be presenting at ORTcon26 this summer through the Center for Open &amp; Relational Theology.<\/p>\n<p>My session is titled:<br \/><strong><br \/>The Shape of Love at the Heart of Everything<\/strong><br \/><em>A reimagining of God, power, and faith in light of relentless love.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>What if love is not merely something God does, but the very pulse of reality itself?<\/p>\n<p>This presentation explores a renewed vision of faith shaped by Open &amp; Relational Theology, the evolutionary spirituality of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, and the possibility that uncontrolling love is the deepest truth at the heart of existence.<\/p>\n<p>For those reimagining faith, wrestling with old stories, or longing for a more spacious and life-giving vision of God.<\/p>\n<p>Join me and many amazing thinkers at ORTcon26.<br \/>Still time to Register<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/c4ort.com\/ortcon\/?utm_source=chatgpt.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">ORTcon26 Information &amp; Registration<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"An honest reckoning with the &#8220;loser&#8221; story many of us quietly carry &#8212; and the slow, difficult work of learning mercy for the face in the mirror.","protected":false},"featured_media":17176,"template":"","meta":[],"class_list":["post-17175","sstack-posts","type-sstack-posts","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamsignificant.ca\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/sstack-posts\/17175","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamsignificant.ca\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/sstack-posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamsignificant.ca\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/sstack-posts"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/iamsignificant.ca\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/sstack-posts\/17175\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17285,"href":"https:\/\/iamsignificant.ca\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/sstack-posts\/17175\/revisions\/17285"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iamsignificant.ca\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17176"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/iamsignificant.ca\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17175"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}