I’d rather die than …

My heart aches.  Groans inside of me. 

Sometimes screams and some times weeps.

The tactics they use

Diabolical

Each one

The primal temptation - an eye for an eye.

An ever present crouching tiger at the door.

I’d rather die than pick up their sword.

I’d rather lose the battle than fight the way they do, with their diabolical schemes of slander, violence and fear.

The pain and horror of what they do prompts me to recoil

a desire to shun, ban, block, lash out is unrelenting.  But I know the antidote is just the opposite

- to love, to embrace them, and call them, implore them

with love into love. 

What does it mean to love my enemies?

____________________________________

Yah.  This is pretty heavy. Once in a while I feel brave and I will share a personal piece from my private writings.  This particular piece was the product of a particularly painful, early morning a few months ago, as I wrestled once more with the agony of deep betrayal.  Sadly compounded by more than a few instances.  

The war inside raged hot. The sorrow and the infection of bitterness from this unresolved grief collided head on with divine love.  

My defiant refusal to respond in kind.  A refusal to play the game of retributive violence.

It was a sheer act of grace to respond to the divine invitation to choose love as I puked out such ugly grief into the embrace of love itself.  Love took all of the tempest of my pain. Every last ounce, and not once did it relent.  Not once did it diminish.

It is my sincere desire, a calling if you will, to live into love.  I will tell you quite frankly, this loving your enemy thing is so terribly difficult.  Not because my enemies are worse than others but because of my own inner violence.

Ah... a new enemy to love.  Indeed a gift.

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